Back when I was a coaching student studying how to support people to step into personal power, I was introduced to a series of coaching tools called “Power Tools.” Each tool was a contrasting internal orientation in the face of an external event. One that continually retains its relevance in my life is Responding vs. Reacting.
Reacting is a disempowering inner orientation because when it arises in you, even though in the moment it gives a kind of power to deal with the situation, it ultimately results in a loss of personal power and energy. It’s draining to be frequently reactive in the face of life’s circumstances. Responding is an empowering orientation because when you shift to that state, you are standing in your personal power, and it frees up energy for you to move in ways that are meaningful.
It’s Not Black or White
In actuality these are not polarities of power—it’s not either one or the other, black or white—they exist on a continuum, from disempowering states of mind and being to empowering. Throughout the day you move along that continuum, experiencing these states in varying ways depending on the situation. They are also not ‘good’ or ‘bad’—states of personal power need to be freed of such labels — as all states can be seen to have purpose and function.
However . . . if you are committed to personal growth, it’s helpful to get a sense of where you’re at. Are you generally a reactive person? If so, you may find that you feel like you are struggling a great deal, having to push things to happen as you’d like, defending yourself or a position regularly, and generally feeling out of alignment within yourself.
Maybe you see yourself as defender of some higher purpose or noble cause, and that your reactions serve to support that which you are standing up for. Yet, at the end of the day, you may notice just how much energy that takes, how stressful it can be, how exhausting or frustrating life becomes when lived in a state of reactivity.
A Shift in Personal Power
As we grow in our personal power, as our mind opens to a greater truth of self and life, there is usually a corresponding desire to shift the inner place from which we operate. Reactivity as a way of dealing with life is seen for the energy drain that it is, and an internal shift begins to occur. There is a naturally arising desire to ‘plug the drain’ and to channel our energy in ways that are meaningful for ourselves and supportive of a world that is itself so often caught in reactivity.
It’s not easy to make the shift from reacting to responding, particularly in the heat of the moment. Anger or impatience can arise in a flash. It takes a high level of awareness to witness the arising, to pause and take a breath, and to make the choice to respond. But this is how we learn ‘response-ability’, one of the essential components of personal mastery.
Take Action – Reflect On It
In the coming week, take some quiet time to reflect where you generally reside on the reacting-responding continuum. If you’ve had some particularly reactive moments, reflect on those. Notice your triggers and reactive patterns, and consider what being in your true power in that situation would be.
Perfection is not the goal, nor is it to eliminate reactivity, it’s simply to expand your awareness so that more energy is available for you to show up in ways that are aligned to your true power.