The journey of transformation is an epic journey of growth and evolution of the self concept. Who you understand yourself to be lies at the very heart of how you experience your life, and your relationship with all that is.
One of the most challenging aspects of the transformational process is the inherent dynamic of swinging or cycling between the highs and the lows. One moment you are having an exalted experience of self, and sometime after there is a sense of falling back into your “old self.”
I refer to the swinging back process as ‘falling off your horse.’ It is a normal part of the transformational process yet it is also one of the hardest for people to accept as necessary. In large part this is because falling off can be painful and exhausting: from high to low (thud), recovering, and getting back up again.
A client once asked me—and this is the central question for this newsletter—is, “How do I live within this dynamic? How can I live in both, and better balance the highs and the lows?” In other words, if this process is going to go on for a long time, how do I manage it?
My mentor once identified this state as learning to live between the no longer and the not yet. As deep coaches we understand the temporal nature of this state, and that it is filled with angst as well as great joy, but for our clients they really are challenged to understand how to live within it (or “balance” it, as my client phrased it) over the long term.
What might you say to, or how might you coach, someone who asked you the questions, “How do I balance the highs and lows which are leaving me exhausted? How do I live in both and manage this over the long term?”
Deep Coaching Tip
The deep coaching space is an oasis in time, a place where the stressors of life can be released so that our clients can connect with their most optimal state, and begin to hear with their inner ear the uplifting guidance of the infinite life force that flows within.
One of the great gifts you can give your clients who are struggling to manage the effects of cycling between highs and lows is a powerful experience of breath and peace with what is in their lives; a time, in your session, to fully let go of the tension of the dynamic.
And then, when it come time to create action, explore how they can bring this very same experience into their lives on a daily basis. One client I had called them ‘peace breaks,’ intentional 5 minute time-outs throughout the day to ground in breath and peace, and to do those regardless of whether she was feeling high or low.
The work is the work. Most people tend to do the work when things are in a downward cycle. I encourage my clients to do the work consistently, and as much as possible when they are riding high on their horse.